The 2024 NHL All-Star Player Draft Recap

This year's All-Star weekend opener was pretty much on-par with every other weekend. Lame.

The 2024 NHL All-Star Player Draft Recap
These 4 are about to get together and play D&D. Kissless virgins, all of them.

While mostly a cringey snooze-fest, the All-Star draft for this years's game had some interesting moments. Yes, Michael Bublé was high on mushrooms but that only added to the cringe.

What I've always liked about All-Star weekend was watching the boys get together and hang out. You get a sneak peak into the social dynamics of players across the league. Which players are friends? Which players are the outcasts? Who has a substance abuse problem?

Below is a recap of the events of the Draft.

  • I like how they shoehorned Jack Hughes into the weekend.
  • Justin Bieber, what a get!
  • Will Arnett... I hope he will add some humor to this event (spoiler alert, he wont).
  • Team Hughes is in red, Team Matthews in blue, Team MacKinnon in Yellow, and Team McDavid in White.
  • Crosby didn't show up for this shit show. Smart man.
  • Shesterkin is stuck sitting next to Bratt...
  • This is a snake draft. The rules are unclear (unstated) but we will learn (much later) that you must have 2 goalies picked before round 7 and at least one defenseman.
  • All the players and celebrity captains are mic'd up, this surely wont lead to any embarrassing moments later.
  • Kucherov does not look jazzed to be selected first overall by Team Hughes. I don't think the Hughes boys or Bublé realized this is about picking your buddies and not actually putting a competitive team together.
  • Team Matthews gets it. They picked Nylander.
  • Team MacKinnon gets it. They picked Crosby.
  • Hellebuck in the first round? LMAO the Oilers know they need good goaltending. "We need you."
  • While Marner was being asked bout getting picked by Team McDavid, Conner turns to Draisaitl and Arnett like "no way in hell".
  • Pasta gets picked. Bucci says "carbo-loading" which made me chuckle.
  • Draisaitl to Pasta "You better fucking play." Team McDavid learns quickly to cover their mics.
  • Georgiev is an All-Star, and selected before Shesterkin?!?!
  • Bieber selects "Mitchie" putting 4 Leafs on a single team. They will not win this tournament.
  • Bublé is a weird dude. He's definitely revelling in the moment, which while annoying, is better than the Hughes boy speaking with all the charisma of a cardboard box.
  • Demko to Team Hughes, Oettenger to Team Matthews.
  • MacKinnon like Boston Creme donuts, what a sociopath. Also Kaprisov to Team MacKinnon.
  • Dahlin to Team McDavid. Bucci "He is filthy... breaks ankles like Iverson." "Robbie" Thomas to Team McDavid.
  • Aho to MacKinnon with 0 fanfare.
  • Team Matthews picks Keller (who is having his 4th ASG appearance???). This team should be called "Team Vibes".
  • Brady Tkachuck to Team Cardboard. Jack Hughes wouldn't look him in the eyes.
  • Team Hughes with the hot mic. "We have to pic 5 Canucks no matter what, then we try to trade for Millsy (Miller) after." They then realize they are on mic, and pick Bratt, who doesn't look happy.
  • Team Vibes picks Barzal, a bit off the board there.
  • Team MacKinnon picks Wilson. Bucci: "At least somebody is going to fight Tkachuck."
  • Is everyone on drugs? It seems like it.
  • Reinhart to Team McDavid.
  • Goalies now MUST be picked.
  • Team McDavid picks "Sam" Bobrovski.
  • Swayman to team MacKinnon. "He's been alright this year."
  • Shesterkin to Team Vibes.. second to last Goalie pick... did someone snicker at Igor as he skated away?
  • Team Cardboard picks Boeser, but don't realize they need a goalie. They fall back to Cam Talbot, the last goalie pick. 3 Bennie goalies in this year's ASG.
  • Bublé is high as hell. Boeser picked after a weird speech about doing his hair and not wanting to lose a cup. He's jinxed them for this season. Take your money off Vancouver.
  • Nick suzuki has 3 ASG appearances? WTF I am old.
  • We are starting to see who's in the cool kids club, and who is not. Pretty cringy.
  • Bieber has no clue what he's doing out here, and the hand rubbing? hmmm
  • Forsberg to Team Vibes. "Best mustache in the league." I think not.
  • Konecny to Team MacKinnon.
  • McDavid asked about growing up around Toronto, and the win streak. Nothing interesting.
  • These jerseys look much better in-person.
  • Jenner to Team McDavid.
  • While they recap the picks ("Bublé is very animated over there") this is a very boring show, but I appreciate that no body is taking it seriously, and that they are moving it along, avoiding too much BS in between picks.
  • Suzuki to Team McDavid.
  • Lindholm to Team MacKinnon (wear a Canucks Jersey).
  • DeBrincat to Team Vibes. It's giving Zyn bud.
  • Miller to Team Cardboard.
  • The final 4 picks are randomly selected, I guess to save hurt feelings?
  • Dave Keon on stage. Who fucking cares tbh?
  • Trocheck to Vibes, Hertl to McDavid, Vatrano to Cardboard, Bjorkstrand to MacKinnon.
  • Of these 4, whos would be the actual last pick? Gotta be Vatrano, Trocheck, Hertl, Bjorkstrand right? Also, I'm sensing an anti-Italian bias here.
  • This was terrible. I wish I hadn't done this. What a boring show.

This year's draft was different. Instead of allowing the players to display any personality in a setting where they could hang out and have a few pops (like the 2015 All-Star draft, which was actually entertaining), the players sat out on the rink, unable to interact, and mostly unseen. The show hinged on it's hosts, who could have been okay if they weren't reliant on hockey players to provide anything to work with. The Celebrity captains seemed like a good idea, but the selections of them were misguided. Bublé is a cornball, Bieber was completely disinterested/on ketamine, and Tate McRae was just filler. Will Arnett should have been able to salvage something from this, but he also seemed under the influence, and too much of a fanboy to be entertaining.

The NHL really sucks at being entertaining. Hockey is arguably the most entertaining sport around, but the NHL goes out of its way to present the worst aspects about it while handcuffing the things that people actually like. I hate this league. This draft will forever be remembered for Bublé's admission of being on mushrooms which, in any production with value, would have been an awesome side-story, but instead it's the whole show.